Wanderlust

My son and I are venturing to Cuba for his spring break this year. While I have encountered many raised eyebrows and "Are you sure that is a good idea?" remarks, for the most part, the response has been positive and even a few provided feedback from their own experience. I am so excited.

I feel very blessed to be able to provide Will with a peek into a culture that is seemingly "stuck" in a time warp. I belive we will have an amazing advenutre and it will be another opporutnity to impress upon him just how blessed we are in our lives, and in our country. We will spend three days in Trinidad and three days in Havana. Can you say history lesson?

Will has had ample opporutnity to travel since a very young age, trekking to New Orleans, Chicago, Dallas, Hawaii, and then eventurally New York City, Washington D.C., and Seattle. Let's not disregard the fact that he has lived in three states with beautiful attributes. I lived in one until age 20. He is blessed. We both are.

Our bucket list for travel includes the Grand Canyon (preferably by train), upstate New York to Maine, and then onto international adventures including an England-Ireland-France adventure. Let's not forget the ever-popular Italy trip, but I have three different ones in mind. A little further down is Iceland, then Austria-Germany (maybe Belgium), I am obsessed with Russia & China, and then it goes on after those in no particular order.

There is so much to experience! I hope to check off as many with him as I can until he decides traveling with mom is not cool. (*Although I have a feeling he will always be up for free sightseeing!)

Waiting in line for the Phantom of the Opera in NYC...what else do you do

The travel bug definitely landed in our home a while back, and we desire to do and see as much as we can, as often as possible. There are so many remarkable sights and such rich history in our own country, I cannot wait check them off one-by-one! Yet to travel abroad is so enlightening, peeking into the culture of other countries is humbling and inspiring.

Will & I at the Washington Nationals Game, D.C. 

Will hanging at Pike Place in Seattle.

Go Cubs Go! 

We will never forget- 9/11 Museum- no words. 

My advice to my friends and family...travel as much and as far as you can, while you can. If you don't have the finanical means, find the beauty in a road trip or even a day trip within your reach. Or just save a bit at a time to experience a little more, a little bit longer of an adventure. It is so worth it, not just for the memories, but for the character, respect, and knowledge you build along the way.

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”― Mark Twain

The BEST of Intentions

Intention is defined as the following:

1. A thing intended, an aim, a plan. 

2. The action or fact of intending.

3. A determination to act in a certain way. 

I truly believe that for the most part, we ALL have GOOD intentions. The intention to do the right thing, the intention to be a good person, the intention to love completely, the intention to work hard and build a successful career, and so the list goes on. But today as I thought about intentions and how they affect the people around us, I realized that maybe everyone does not always have the best intentions...including myself. 

That is hard to admit and as I type it, I am drawing in a deep breath. No, this is not going to be a big confessional post. But I think it is worth realizing that sometimes, our intentions are based on working towards an end, even though it may not be the best thing for others, or much less ourselves. 

Typically, my intentions are in line and on spot. I always have the intention to create a good morning for my son. I have the intention to be productive in my work (paid and volunteer). I have the intention to do good for others at all times. But sometimes, life is just life. My intention to create that great morning is sometimes clouded by my tiredness, or irritability towards Will for running behind, or either of us not having everything together. The productivity becomes clouded as tasks pile up, emails "ding" in, calls rack up. And doing something for someone else, well sadly that just gets put on the back burner.

In our relationships, we all have the intention in the beginning to explore and grow with a person- friend, lover, whatever- and as it develops intentions change. Look at how many people end up in divorce or separated months or years later. It amazes me how the best intentions are lost in the unwillingness to work through the hard times, the arguments, or whatever is going on that is not perfect at the time. 

In Church, we have "intentions" or prayers for those who have left us, who are with us and suffering, or just those in general. But when we offer those intentions, and walk out the doors after our hour of worship, what is the value of that intention if it is not remembered and reflected upon? Or is a one-shot intention okay and acceptable?

Intention is the starting point of every dream. It is the creative power that fulfills all of our needs, whether for money, relationships, spiritual awakening, or love. - The Chopra Center. 

I particularly appreciate Dr. Chopra's view on the emotional aspect of intentions, and the outcome. He writes this: 

Relinquish your rigid attachment to a specific result and live in the wisdom of uncertainty. Attachment is based on fear and insecurity, while detachment is based on the unquestioning belief in the power of your true Self. Intend for everything to work out as it should, then let go and allow opportunities and openings to come your way.

Your focused intentions set the infinite organizing power of the universe in motion. Trust that infinite organizing power to orchestrate the complete fulfillment of your desires. Don’t listen to the voice that says that you have to be in charge, that obsessive vigilance is the only way to get anything done. 

The outcome that you try so hard to force may not be as good for you as the one that comes naturally. You have released your intentions into the fertile ground of pure potentiality, and they will bloom when the season is right. (Deepak Chopra,M.D.,www.chopra.com, 5 Steps to Setting Powerful Intentions)

Yeah, that sounds cool to me. So my take-away? I am going to quit stressing over failed intentions and unexpected outcomes right now. Because the reality is, we never know and we cannot predict the actions/reactions of others or ourselves. 

The point? I am going to keep my intentions good, but learn/strive to go with the flow. I have to believe that positivity will outweigh the negativity and eventually, balance will be created. And that, will be my peace. And perhaps someone else's peace, too. 

She is Strong.

She's a stronger person than you think she is.
That was my thought when I got the call that my papa passed away, about my grandma. For years, I had listened to family and family friends say how it would be awful if Papa passed away before Grandma. She would "not survive," she would not "know what to do." Well, news flash folks, she is alive and kicking and doing alright.
Now, don't let me downplay the extreme loss of my amazing Papa. He was our rock. He basically held together two generations that were adament to go separate ways. And out of respect, we still manage to find time together today. But deep down, blood is blood right? And some of us even like each other.

Grams basically built her world around my Papa, which is okay. That is what women do, like it or not, yestrday or today, that is what we do. She did not sacrifice, but she postponed her growth academically and professionally to support her family. And that was okay. But she built a world-her world -their world- around Papa and his work.

When he got sick a few years ago, she was by his side every single day. To the point where she wanted to deny nursing staff and later on, hospice care, but evenutally she could not. When he died, she explains to this day she saw a light leave his body, of which awoke her from sleep. I am amazed by her love and dedication. His, too, but especailly hers. It was true until death do them part for sure.

Today, her sister, Aunt Nedda, passed away at 96 years. Brief history, Nedda gave up her later teen years to raise the nine children my great-grandmother Anna and great-Grandfather Mike left behind. And Nedda also managed to marry and create her own family while raising the kiddos in the family house - maybe 3-4 bedrooms?- in Pittsburgh. Can you imagine? No, you cannot. No one does that anymore.

Nedda lived a good life. Raising her siblings, her children, taking care of her husband. She has absolutely experienced loss, burying her husband and a child...burying a couple brothers and sisters that she raised. But in the end, I never saw my aunt Nedda NOT smiling.

So this blog is dedicated to the strong women in my life. My mom, my grandma, my grandmother, my stephmother, her mother...her sister, her daughter...there are so many. We are all strong because of where we came from, which is easy to forget. But in moments like these, when someone leaves the earth, you are grateful for those that contributed to your upbringing and even your future.

Rest in Peace Aunt Nedda.
Thank you for your stregth that has resonated and impressed us through the years .

Music & Memories

It is an absolute truth for many of us that certain songs can play and the with first few notes, memories long tucked away can be unearthed, good or bad. These songs take us back, even if only for a moment, to that space in time, for better or worse.  Music has proven to have profound results, impacting individuals dealing with conditions including autism and Alzheimer's. There is something therapeutic about a melody, a song, a lyric.

As I was driving today, I had to switch the song three times to avoid lyrics that were related to memories I was not ready or willing to recall. However, I almost always cherish those times when certain songs play and I have a chance to relive a brief moment in my past.

When I was younger, I remember always being surrounded by music and songs that were forever etched in my heart and mind. My grandparents and parents all had a love for music, and my dad especially, being a professional musician and songwriter for decades. I can recall many songs that bring back fond (and not so fond) memories. But the fond ones, I love to recall, even if only for a few verses or notes before I have to move to the next to avoid a watershed (and not always a sad one!).

I remember my first boy/girl party that I had invited my entire class to attend. All of my girlfriends had someone they were "going steady" with at the time, including myself. Inevitably, the evening turned to everyone huddling in the arcade, where several of the boys were being "dared" to give a cheek kiss to their person. Well, almost everyone got one except guess who? (Read: Me, the birthday girl.) I was devastated - heartbroken having been shunned, especially on my birthday.

Later that evening, all of the girls returned to my house for a sleepover and the "said boy" that I was "going with" called me to apologize and let me know he did want to kiss my cheek, but lost his courage last minute. And then he proceeded to place the phone receiver to his stereo speaker and play When I See You Smile (Warrant). I know right? How stinking sweet? Needless to say, I forgave the faux pas. We did not end up together for the record, but at the time, he was my one and only. But anytime that song plays...

Roll out any 70's or 80's song especially Toto, Elton John, America, Tears for Fears, Lionel Richie, Spandau Ballet...the list goes ON and ON...and I am vividly remembering my mom driving us to the beach, windows rolled down, singing at the top of our lungs! Every time I hear Respect (Aretha), Papa Was a Rolling Stone (James Brown) or 25 or 6 to 4 (Chicago), I am instantly taken back to my dance line days at Gadsden High School. When any George Strait tune comes on, I fondly think of my high school sweetheart. Play Brown Eyed Girl (Van Morrison), Closing Time (Semisonic), or You Shook Me All Night Long (AC/DC), Dixieland Delight (Alabama), and my mind thinks back to the days of dancing to the bands in college at the frat houses and Brother's Bar.

When my ex-husband and I began dating, he somehow discovered one of my favorite "old" love songs, Just the Way You Look Tonight (Tony Bennett version from the movie My Best Friend's Wedding), and it became one of our slow dance favorites. The other two that made us both smile  included our first date dance song to Wonderful Tonight (Clapton), and Don't Want to Miss a Thing (Aerosmith.) One of my sweetest memories to this day is after I discovered that I was expecting my beautiful son, Will, I sang to my belly each night, and then to his sweet face when he was born every night after, Your Song (Elton John.)  

Anytime I hear On Eagle's Wings (Catholic hymn) or Here I Am (Catholic hymn) I am instantly transported back to St. James Catholic Church. Likewise with hearing Just As I Am (Baptist hymn) or I Surrender All (Baptist hymn), and I am the young girl drawing on my notebook paper at my grandmother's Baptist church during the LONG sermon, getting in trouble when I whisper "is he almost done."

                                                                                                

I could probably right a book about all the songs that have had a profound effect on my memories- we all could! The point is, I think sometimes we forget the value of music and lyrics in our lives. Clearly the connection can impact us in ways we never could have imagined. And I always anticipate the songs that are yet to come, and making new memories to have in the future. Good or bad, it is always a welcome experience when a certain song comes on, and I am transported back, if only for a moment. Aren't you?

The World of Online Dating - For Better or Worse, and Everything in Between!

In a world full of plenty of fish in the sea, it can be really hard to find one that is suitable. Don't get me wrong, the romantic, more-traditional side of me has waited forever to look across the room, lock eyes with a handsome man, and know in my heart that we would be together forever. Okay, I just made myself laugh out loud- and very hard- but it sounds good!

Most of my girlfriends are married to or living with their high school or college sweethearts. Let's face it, school is a natural breeding ground for relationships. I even married my college sweetheart, so it happens all the time. But as a single 30-something, living in a quaint, coastal town, it can be extremely hard to find someone that is not already spoken for and/or is worthy of your company, short or long-term. 

I had always seen commercials for online dating sites and never paid much attention, having been married and settled. I don't think I judged them, (if I did, I don't recall), but they just did not play a role in my then-current situation. When my husband and I separated in 2014, I began to reconnect with friends who were recently divorced or separated themselves, and guess what the common thread was they all shared? Joining online dating sites...it was a "thing."

Admittedly, I was not feeling it at first and sat back, watching my girlfriends meet up with their "match", or "fish", or whatever the online site designated these folks. It was really interesting to hear the after-stories, mostly funny and/or good, and really only a few "horror" stories or uncomfortable situations. I had a couple of girlfriends that developed long-term relationships, or at least got a few months out of it. So eventually I found myself signed up on one of the freebie sites, and the journey began.

I intercepted many bizarre messages, a few completely lewd and unacceptable ones (think one night stand with a pilot in for the night) and quickly became frustrated. But right before deleting my profile forever, one caught my attention. I "liked" his picture and waited, but got no response and vowed to delete my page the next day. Then the message came, which simply read :"So what exactly is a non profit?" I laughed and probably shot back some smart ass "are you serious" comment. At the time I worked for a non profit, in case you missed that part. 

So, I looked at his profile several times that proclaimed he was looking for "nothing serious, just a good time," etc. He was a red-headed cutie, that seemed very independent, and like me was all-about his kids and everything else came second. Although he was nothing like anyone I had ever dated or even liked, there was something that caught my attention. We ended up messaging and texting for the next month, and on May 5th, 2015, we agreed to meet. 

The date was nerve-wracking, and became a tell-all for him as he divulged his past life (think super exciting and scary to say the least) but all-in-all, remained fun and intriguing. I walked away questioning the entire evening, but somehow was curious for more. He was a complete gentleman, but barely hugged me goodbye, so I shrugged it off, thinking I would never hear from him again. 

We continued to chat over the next few weeks and to my amazement, had several dates that eventually turned into weekly occurrences when he was home. Fast forward three years and three months later, to many amazing memories. We recently split, but for the first time I can honestly tell people how we met and that for the most part it was okay. I do not want to detail our relationship here, but what I want to say is, if you are on the fence about online dating or just online looking, do it. 

It is so hard these days to meet someone. Someone you can actually get a taste and feel for their personality, their vibe, their loves, hates, etc. I learned enough about this person online, and then through texting/email, to trust our ability to connect, and meet face to face. And while it did not end as we imagined, I do not think either of us would change a thing. 
While he was always ready and willing to attest to our meeting online, I shied away from the truth and always said we met among mutual friends. It felt shameful to say that I put myself out there online and this was the only way this person found me. It was not the traditional way to meet someone, so I did not feel comfortable sharing. But what I believe is, if we have the courage and the willingness to put ourselves out there in different ways, those who finds us are the people who are meant to find us.
I still believe in that glance across the room, and I hope for it everyday. I trust that you can meet a person randomly, and make a special connection. Believe it or not, it happened to me the other day, and I had a first date for the first time in over three years...it was great! Who knows where it will lead or what will come of it, but we both had a blast, and I look forward to getting to know him better.
I guess the point of this entry is that I was ashamed of the online connection and always hid it. But in the end, there was no reason for me to, because how you meet someone is part of your story. I hid the beginning of my last story for a long time, for no reason. And while that story has ended, my new story is beginning and I will tell how it happens. And if it ends, I will tell you how the next one begins. That small fact is not a big deal, how it began....just how it is written is what matters. 

Letting go is hard. As small children, we let go of silly things...blankies, boogeymen, sucking our thumbs. As adults, we let go of hard stuff. Tonight, my son witnessed me letting go of something or rather someone that was very important in our lives. Someone that had an impact on our day-to-day. Someone who mattered...or so I thought.

If i could define myself in three words...bitch, lover, giver. And even the "bitch" comes in handy for 9 out of 10 times. I do not let things go and I hold my people close, love them hard, protect and more. When I am let go, it is a blow, no doubt. I was not expecting the let-go. Are we ever? I was expecting the in-it-for-the-long-haul.

Funny how God has other plans right? Well, I have dealt with it as best I can the past weeks, but sometimes, memories or emotions get the best of me. I got-GOT- tonight...just when I thought I was good. But you know what? That is being human. That is bearing your soul when you want to hide. That is life. And how you deal with all that, shows your humanity and your resilience.

It is hard, the letting go thing. But you know, we all have to do it, and to do it with grace and humility is key. Because sometimes, even if we were pushed into it, it leads to us seeing that it was for the best. Now, honestly, I am not there yet. I still have a very raw and open wound, but my head tells my heart to shut up everyday and keep moving forward.

Here is what I know:

• No one will ever love that person more than I did. Try, try, try again.
• No one will ever give more of themselves to that person, or their people, than I did, or in the way that I did.
• No one will ever be me...no matter how hard they try. And if that person ignores the fact of who I was and what I meant, shame on them.

It is not self-reassurance, it just is what it is. I gave my all. I was not perfect, but by God, I tried. I could not do it alone, and here we are.

Tomorrow will be a new day. New people, new things, new times. I am grateful for those surrounding me and loving me. I am grateful to know that the past few years, I tried like hell. But you cannot do it alone. Point made. So here I go again.

Where Everybody Knows Your Name...at the WINE BAR!

Who does NOT love a wine bar*? If you don't you may want to skip past this post, just sayin'.

Really, what is better than strolling into a comfy place, to smiling faces, and a great glass of vino, maybe a good cheese board, and good conversation? If the people running the show are doing it right, you are going to love being there. (*Disclaimer: Even if you are not a wino, they usually have beer and maybe other spirits to sustain you.)

I am blessed to have a "fun" second job...seriously! Most people dread the idea of anything above and beyond the typical "9-5", but I get excited when I know I will be clocking in and talking to folks I have grown to know, even love some, and call my friends. Amazing people own it, a friendly and accepting crowd frequents it, and maybe the most important part, I have made friends that quite frankly, I never imagined would have been friends. Score! (Plus, I get to drink some yummy wines often...so double score!)

When I first started, I was a little gun-shy, having had a not-so-great experience at another wine bar. But immediately, the owners and the staff took me under their wings and the rest is history. I have had a blast, and while I equally enjoy my 50-60 work week at my "day" job, I will hang onto this gig as long as they will have me. 

Wine bars in the south are a recent (think decade recent) thing, but I have traveled pretty extensively throughout my career and visited some nifty ones, most often in northern or midwestern states. One of my favorites is POPS for Champagne in Chicago. I love the idea of champs any day of the week, and this bar never disappointed.  Plus they had an excellent wine and tapas menu. 

Another that I remember fondly is in NYC, tucked away on one of those streets you wander down trying to get away from the hustle and bustle. I cannot recall the name, but I managed to find it everyday for a few week-long business trips for a happy hour drink before business dinners and such.

See, the way I see it, if your wine bar has the four following elements, you are bound to attract folks and be successful:

1. Atmosphere

No one wants a "stuffy" atmosphere. We are not all seeking cultural insight when we just want a yummy glass of vino. Sometimes, walking into a cozy place, tucked away, is just the ticket. Decor adds to this, along with a few candles and maybe dimmer lighting, or natural light until dark.

2. Welcoming staff (and owners)

If I walk into the wine bar and you do not acknowledge me, chances are, I am walking out. Call it my southern nature or whatever, but say "hello" and even "how are you" to everyone. It goes a long way. And it goes without mentioning, smile.

3. Simple by-the-glass offerings

Don't try to get my attention with a $15 glass of your favorite zinfandel, please. Offer me that $7 or $8 glass of yummy and if I bite, chances are I may get the bottle. Don't get too deep with the by-the-glass offerings. Just tell me what you like and why, I can share some thoughts, and we can come to a conclusion together. 

4. The Crowd

I know you cannot help who comes and goes, and there will always be an exception. But for the most part, regulars can make or break your business. I know it sounds silly, but it is true, they contibute to the "vibe." Where I work, the regulars welcome the newbies, who usually become regulars themselves. It is a thing of beauty.

Bottom line, I love wine and I love to talk to people about wine, and encourage them to try new things. If you have never visited a wine bar and are eager to venture out of your comfort zone, or just find something different than what you usually pour, take a chance and visit your nearest wine bar. And if you are in my neck of the woods (LA- read: Lower Alabama) come see the amazing little gem that I like to hang out, Le Bouchon. You will not be disappointed...and I am sure you will soon become a regular yourself!

Cheers!

Nikole