Most of my girlfriends are married to or living with their high school or college sweethearts. Let's face it, school is a natural breeding ground for relationships. I even married my college sweetheart, so it happens all the time. But as a single 30-something, living in a quaint, coastal town, it can be extremely hard to find someone that is not already spoken for and/or is worthy of your company, short or long-term.
I had always seen commercials for online dating sites and never paid much attention, having been married and settled. I don't think I judged them, (if I did, I don't recall), but they just did not play a role in my then-current situation. When my husband and I separated in 2014, I began to reconnect with friends who were recently divorced or separated themselves, and guess what the common thread was they all shared? Joining online dating sites...it was a "thing."
Admittedly, I was not feeling it at first and sat back, watching my girlfriends meet up with their "match", or "fish", or whatever the online site designated these folks. It was really interesting to hear the after-stories, mostly funny and/or good, and really only a few "horror" stories or uncomfortable situations. I had a couple of girlfriends that developed long-term relationships, or at least got a few months out of it. So eventually I found myself signed up on one of the freebie sites, and the journey began.
I intercepted many bizarre messages, a few completely lewd and unacceptable ones (think one night stand with a pilot in for the night) and quickly became frustrated. But right before deleting my profile forever, one caught my attention. I "liked" his picture and waited, but got no response and vowed to delete my page the next day. Then the message came, which simply read :"So what exactly is a non profit?" I laughed and probably shot back some smart ass "are you serious" comment. At the time I worked for a non profit, in case you missed that part.
So, I looked at his profile several times that proclaimed he was looking for "nothing serious, just a good time," etc. He was a red-headed cutie, that seemed very independent, and like me was all-about his kids and everything else came second. Although he was nothing like anyone I had ever dated or even liked, there was something that caught my attention. We ended up messaging and texting for the next month, and on May 5th, 2015, we agreed to meet.
The date was nerve-wracking, and became a tell-all for him as he divulged his past life (think super exciting and scary to say the least) but all-in-all, remained fun and intriguing. I walked away questioning the entire evening, but somehow was curious for more. He was a complete gentleman, but barely hugged me goodbye, so I shrugged it off, thinking I would never hear from him again.
We continued to chat over the next few weeks and to my amazement, had several dates that eventually turned into weekly occurrences when he was home. Fast forward three years and three months later, to many amazing memories. We recently split, but for the first time I can honestly tell people how we met and that for the most part it was okay. I do not want to detail our relationship here, but what I want to say is, if you are on the fence about online dating or just online looking, do it.
It is so hard these days to meet someone. Someone you can actually get a taste and feel for their personality, their vibe, their loves, hates, etc. I learned enough about this person online, and then through texting/email, to trust our ability to connect, and meet face to face. And while it did not end as we imagined, I do not think either of us would change a thing.
While he was always ready and willing to attest to our meeting online, I shied away from the truth and always said we met among mutual friends. It felt shameful to say that I put myself out there online and this was the only way this person found me. It was not the traditional way to meet someone, so I did not feel comfortable sharing. But what I believe is, if we have the courage and the willingness to put ourselves out there in different ways, those who finds us are the people who are meant to find us.
I still believe in that glance across the room, and I hope for it everyday. I trust that you can meet a person randomly, and make a special connection. Believe it or not, it happened to me the other day, and I had a first date for the first time in over three years...it was great! Who knows where it will lead or what will come of it, but we both had a blast, and I look forward to getting to know him better.
I guess the point of this entry is that I was ashamed of the online connection and always hid it. But in the end, there was no reason for me to, because how you meet someone is part of your story. I hid the beginning of my last story for a long time, for no reason. And while that story has ended, my new story is beginning and I will tell how it happens. And if it ends, I will tell you how the next one begins. That small fact is not a big deal, how it began....just how it is written is what matters.
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